HELLO JI!
A WORD (OR TWO HUNDRED) FROM THE EDITOR
Image credit: RAHIME GUL on Pexels
Songs celebrating the bond between brothers and sisters used to be common in Hindi movies once upon a time. Sisters lavishing love upon younger brothers. Brothers promising the moon to younger sisters. Thus a generation of desis was raised on popular ditties like Mere bhaiyya, mere chanda, mere anmol ratan and Meri pyari beheniya. But rarely, if ever, was there a song about a didi or an older sister. For a didi is a whole different breed.
Dr Vicki Bismilla recently sent me a link to the Hey Laadli podcast on Spotify.
“Really interesting first episode on the role of Didi that older sisters put upon themselves by default,” she wrote. “Didis find themselves interpreting between parents and younger siblings all the time.”
As the youngest of seven sisters, she recalls depending on her older sisters to take on the role of “parental seers” whenever she needed guidance on living life, especially religious direction after their parents passed. Even today, the sole surviving sister occupies that place in Vicki’s life. But having learnt from the best, she also finds herself taking on the role of trying to predict and avoid problems for her family.
I happen to be a didi. I used to think I babied my brother because we lost our parents in our twenties – I was married and a mother by then but my brother was just about finding his footing in the corporate world. But if I think back, the protective instinct was there from when we were kids. Taking on the role of deciphering life, of cautioning him about possible pitfalls ahead.
And now, like Vicki, I catch myself continuing in that didi persona with him and my sons, even when everyone is perfectly capable of looking after themselves!
In the podcast, the host and her guest revealed how their younger siblings were now all over 18, but that they continued to be full-time didis, their identities shaped by being the eldest daughters. One of them quipped that she should change her name to didi as that was how she was referred to be the rest of the family anyway!
One described herself as the “trial and error baby”, the one who navigated being the South Asian daughter in Canada, creating a playbook for her younger siblings. They can be carefree, because she, like other didis, was there planning meticulously, taking care of all the details, she says.
She’s the broker between two worlds, the role being self-assigned as well as thrust upon her by other family members. A role that leaves little room for fear, anxiety or guilt. A didi is supposed to have it all figured out! One said she’s been told that she takes on too much, that she’s doing it to herself, but admitted to feeling guilty if she didn’t.
The podcast offers insights on how that role continues to play out in the next generation, in a continent far removed from our roots.
Happy Rakshabandhan!
Happy Independence Day!
Shagorika Easwar