MY TAKE

COLUMNS BY:

SHAGORIKA EASWAR
DAVID SUZUKI
DR VICKI BISMILLA
REVEREND TONY ZEKVELD
KULBINDER SARAN CALDWELL

DESIGNER POTS AND TINY KITCHENS... WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

By SHAGORIKA EASWAR

When we came to Canada a quarter of a century ago, many of the homes for sale that we looked at had their kitchen right up in front.

Open the front door and bang, you stepped into the kitchen, stopping at the small hallway closet to deposit your jacket and shoes. Our real estate agent assured us that this was the pattern homes built in the 70s followed, it was a way to welcome guests into the home and (literally) the hearth.

Then as years passed, open-concept kitchen became all the rage. Now that is something that I am not a fan of. Our kitchens are messy! Our food smells! Ergo, walls are good! But maybe that’s just me, as the concept continued to grow in popularity. People who couldn’t move into new homes were busy tearing down walls to bring the living rooms and kitchens into one space.

Why should women be stuck inside cooking? Why couldn’t they be part of the family group, all messing around in one happy space?

But if one bought into that thinking then how did one explain the explosion of ready-to-eat meals? Once upon a time, desis tended to be dismissive of Western cuisine. Nothing to it, they sniffed. You just need a can opener! However, it was only a matter of time before the trend caught on in desi cuisine, too. Instant food is a staple in many kitchens today. First came the ready-cut frozen vegetables. Whereas earlier one hoped bhindi, karela, beans and a host of familiar desi vegetables would be available at the Indian grocery on one’s sporadic visits, and it was always a hit and miss – find the bhindi, but the lauki would be MIA – now everything was available in the freezer section. Stock up and not only did you have a reliable supply, you had saved yourselves a ton of prep time.

With frozen rotis, naans and parathaas – in a mind-boggling choice of plain, stuffed with alu, gobhi, paneer or mixed vegetables, etc., in the freezer – who needs to make fresh any more? Forget the three-minute noodles made popular by Maggi, now you have three-minute poha and three-minute upma. And packets of a vast variety of heat-and-eat dals and vegetables.

Many years ago, I’d been thrilled to discover idli rawa – basically, rice powder and urad dal powder mixed in the right proportion that one had to just soak to get the perfect idli batter. Then came idli batter and dosa batter – already mixed, ready to be made. Now, we get family packs of frozen idlis, vadas and dosas.

So is anyone cooking any longer?

If you go by the success of cooking shows, the plethora of recipe books, if you see the countless posts by people who feel compelled to share step-by-step instructions on how to make everything from khichdi to mutton biryani, and the array of gadgets and gizmos for the kitchen, you would say, of course. Lee Valley, where one seeks good-quality gadgets and tools is now offering something called a rolling circle pastry cutter and a pastry compass.

Honestly, who other than maybe Martha Stewart (who probably has many varieties of these already) needs or even knows how to use these? Lesser mortals are happy if they manage to bake a batch of cookies using a spoon to drop dollops of the dough on baking sheets.

I see ads for “essential” pots for sale at $179 – the before -sale price being $499. For one pot? There’s another for a set of five pots, for $499. The before-sale price for this is $1999.99. I am not wealthy by any standard, but I can afford the occasional indulgence. I am lured by beautiful pots and pans, too. And I cook. On a regular basis. So I’m the target audience, right? But when I see these prices, I’m sorry, I roll my eyes. These are not pots and pans most of us would soil by ordinary cooking. These are works of art that we would display on a shelf. And maybe light an agarbatti in front of.

A cousin’s husband in India describes what he calls a “numaishi” society – an exhibitionist one. One in which there is what also used to be called show-sha, or all-show but little substance.

But one also has to ask just where these fancy pots would be displayed. Because if recent trends in condos are anything to go by, the next question would be, where is all this cooking happening? I’ve been seeing ads for smaller and smaller condos. While astronomical real estate prices explain that, kitchens seem to have become the prime victims of the space crunch. Hey, I have family in Bombay where the whole built-in this and folded-that was invented to fit families into small spaces with comfort – but even there, the kitchens were full sized.

A full-sized family needed a full kitchen, being the accepted wisdom.

But in these tiny condos in Canada, they are doing away with ovens. So we’ve moved from welcoming people into our homes and hearths to welcoming them into a space where we microwave meals. Which is disturbing because it is not a healthy trend.

I get that everyone doesn’t have the time nor the inclination to get into the kitchen and start cooking the minute they come home but it doesn’t have to be an elaborate meal. A simple rice-and dal or sandwich and soup/salad is good. But home-made and freshly-made is healthy. It is also a great way to connect family members, specially children, over meal prep instead of everyone retreating into their spaces and emerging glued to their phones.

Yet here we are, asking who’s cooking? instead of what’s cooking?

Image credit: HITESH CHAUDHARY from Pexels.

FORMING BONDS IN TIMES OF CRISIS

By DAVID SUZUKI

The climate and ecological crises touch each of us to varying degrees.

Some carry the emotional weight of worrying about what kind of diminished, unstable world we’re leaving for our children while others are directly, physically affected by climate-fuelled disasters like storms, wildfires, droughts and changing wildlife patterns.

Our responses to these crises also vary. Most people know the traditional reactions to crises: fight, flight or freeze. But as climate scientist and activist Susanne Moser says, “We keep talking about the three Fs but there is a fourth one, and that’s the one that actually helped us survive. The forming of bonds, or the be-friending. That’s the piece that got to us to cooperate as a species and recognize that we have greater advantage when we work together as opposed to everyone for themselves. This is biology. It is in the genetic history of our species. We are here because we cooperated. It’s part of us.”

Naomi Klein’s book The Shock Doctrine examines how capitalism takes advantage of disasters, always ready to profit from the destabilization they create. On the flip side, a new phrase has emerged to recognize the human capacity to co-operate in the face of calamity – “disaster collectivism” – described by writer Rebecca Solnit as “the sense of immersion in the moment and solidarity with others caused by the rupture in everyday life, an emotion graver than happiness but deeply positive”.

This term has emerged from the displays of compassion, altruism and creative solution-seeking that blossom when climate disaster strikes communities. News reports are full of stories about neighbours and strangers going out of their way to share food, rescue pets, locate loved ones and help rebuild what has been lost.

Although disaster collectivism was coined in 2018 in conjunction with the dizzying increase in climate-caused calamities, the phenomenon of the potential of positive reaction to stress has been documented by scientists. A 2012 article in Scientific American, How the Stress of Disaster Brings People Together, points to studies that found, “acute stress may actually lead to greater cooperative, social, and friendly behaviour”.

Margaret Klein Salamon, founder and executive director of US-based The Climate Mobilization, argues that society actually needs to enter “emergency mode” in which “individuals and groups function optimally during an existential or moral crisis – often achieving great feats through intensely focused motivation”.

The climate and ecological crises are manifest in destroyed homes and livelihoods during floods, hurricanes and tornadoes, drastic declines in wildlife populations and the disappearances of vast tracts of forests consumed by increased wildfires, but they are ultimately symptoms of the underlying crisis of our societal failure to take responsibility for our impacts on the planet so that it can continue to provide us with stable, life-supporting ecosystems. It is a crisis facing us all, that we created and to which we must respond.

The systems we’ve been using to structure the way we extract resources need to be rethought. Although we sometimes see our economy as an absolute, as something apart from us, it is our creation, and it can be recreated if we recognize the planetary harms it sets in motion.

Ideally, the fissures in the wall that has upheld business-as-usual operations provide an opportunity for us to come together, equipped with tools to redress, repair and rebuild.

Some of the fixes will be technological, like better ways to make renewable energy sources accessible and affordable everywhere, but what is mainly needed is a new vision that sets limits to better manage the pace and reach of our historically unrestrained plundering of the planet’s offerings.

Reimagining and acting to create a better world can be a deeply positive experience, as Solnit highlights. In the act of coming together, we can also rewire the status quo so that taking care of each other becomes the norm.

As Barry Lopez observes in his book, Horizon, “Our question is no longer how to exploit the natural world for human comfort and gain, but how we can cooperate with one another to ensure we will someday have a fitting, not a dominating, place in it”.

Change isn’t easy, but when people come together for the good of humanity and Earth, we can accomplish great things.

• With contributions from David Suzuki Foundation Boreal Project Manager Rachel Plotkin. More at www.davidsuzuki.org.

HOW NOT TO GET MANIPULATED AT WORK

By DR VICKI BISMILLA

I have written in the past about ways to protect oneself in toxic work environments.

The best advice is to keep your attention only on your own work, do a good job and go home to family. But even as we do this there are some insidious influences that can creep up and overtake workers before they realize they have been duped. One such ploy is called manipulation.

We have seen manipulators throughout history, and one such politician, Niccolo Machiavelli, has the dubious distinction of having his name used every time a deceitful, unscrupulous “Machiavellian” act is discovered. But one doesn’t have to go to politicians or evangelists to find examples of manipulation. It is prevalent in workplaces and even in social circles. Once a manipulator recognizes a vulnerable worker who will do whatever they ask, they can zero in and continuously ask that person to do tasks that are beyond their job description. And if that target continues to please then the requests and demands will escalate. Once you realize that you are being taken advantage of you need to extricate yourself gradually and safely and focus only on your own assigned tasks.

Remember the notebook I have recommended in a past column, write down privately who asked you to do what.

Then there is the charmer who will praise you excessively to off load their workload on you or worse.

Always recognize that if someone appears to be too charming, too effusive in praising you, trying to cozy up to you while bad mouthing others, then it is time to distance yourself. Say that you are busy and politely stop listening to them. This is difficult for entry-level workers, especially if the manipulator has more seniority and it is especially difficult for workers who have no union. In the case of unionized workers, advice can always be sought by meeting with your union.

The workplace is not the only place where people need to be wary of manipulators. In social circles one often comes across the narcissist.

You will recognize the narcissist as the person who always requires praise and displays a sense of entitlement.

They behave as if they are the centre of the world, they take advantage of your good nature and expect you to do things for them.

We have seen narcissists who have no empathy at all for others, never ask about the health of others, always dominating conversations to talk about themselves, their woes and their dramas.

It is difficult to deal with narcissists especially if they are extended family or family friends because the natural instinct is to not want to rock the boat.

But there has to come a time when one has to put a stop to the cycle of this subtle abuse.

Set boundaries between yourself and this person.

If there is a channel of communication that they are using to reach you with their demands or woes, then gently close that channel.

Be honest and tell them that you are finding their demands to be excessive and need to concentrate on other things or simply say that you are busy and cannot meet their demands for attention.

The person may become angry or sulk, or make you feel guilty and you will need to decide if you can live with that or continue to be the doormat.

The stress and anxiety that they cause will continue if you backtrack.

There are many dysfunctional relationships in which people find themselves. Some are serious and affected people need to get proper counselling from trained professionals. In these situations, one needs to talk with the family doctor to be referred to proper counselling or in case of physical abuse the police need to be involved.

For the kinds of workplace or socially inappropriate behaviours that we come across in daily life such as those described above, we can usually handle them ourselves with the support of friends and family.

• Dr Vicki Bismilla is a retired Superintendent of Schools and retired college Vice-President, Academic, and Chief Learning Officer. She has authored two books.

CAN YOU COME TO KNOW GOD?

By REVEREND TONY ZEKVELD

How can we come to know God? You may be saying, “that’s a highly philosophical question and only for philosophers to answer”. But it’s not. It’s a very practical and relevant question and very ordinary people grapple with this question.

Yet we cannot come to know Him unless He first makes Himself known to us. Only then can we know Him. God must first disclose Himself to us, and He has! We come to know Him by two means.

First, we come to know Him through His witness in the creation He has made. You see His stunning wisdom as you gaze upward into the sky on a clear night, the sheer magnitude of space, the countless galaxies and each star having its own defined place. Next, look at a new born baby, so wonderfully knit and so perfectly formed in nine months! The hand of the Creator at work! Consider those parts of nature we take for granted: the regularity of the seasons. As one poet writes, “The seasons are fixed by wisdom’s design. The slow changing moon shows forth God’s design. The sun in his circuit his Maker obeys and running his circuit hastes not nor delays.” The Bible says, “The heavens are declaring the glory of God and the firmament proclaims His handiwork.”

God’s universe “is before your eyes like a beautiful book in which all creatures great and small, are as letters to make us ponder the invisible things of God, His eternal power and divinity.” [Belgic Confession, Article 2]. His signature is imprinted on every facet of creation! His witness in creation, though not using words, is universal. It is constant. God never stops giving witness of Himself, His majesty and His wisdom, in all that He has made. His witness is clearly seen. We are reminded in the Bible that all these things are enough to convict men and to leave them without excuse. We have no excuse for not knowing Him.

So why do we have no excuse? Because God has made His witness plain in the creation. The problem is our sin. Sin has brought great confusion to the understanding of mankind – so much so that man is unable to receive the clear witness.

We need something more. He makes Himself known to us through another means. That we wait for in our next article.

• Reverend Tony Zekveld can be reached at 416-740-0543 and tzekveld@primus.ca.

DEAR DIDI, MY PARENTS WANT TO VET EVERY WORD I POST ONLINE

By KULBINDER SARAN CALDWELL

Dear Didi,

My aunt is a media professional who knows more than my parents do about social media. She tells them that what I write in my blog and on other social media platforms will hurt my career options. I am not posting anything crazy, just sharing my views, but she tells me to delete specific stuff. Now my parents want to read every word I post and it is driving me crazy. – ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA

It’s one of the things that is great about our South Asian culture, the large extended family, in which everyone steps up to “parent” the child, surrounding it with comfort and love, where you never feel alone.

Growing up, I too was one of the “elders” even though I was young and still in high school when my niece came home for the first time. She was cute and cuddly, the first child for my brother and sister-in-law who lived with us. I became one of her “parents” regardless of my qualifications and maturity level. We were quite close as she grew up and I know she looked up to me as a friend and confidante. I was the cool “pua” – single, lived on my own and a career woman. A professional who knew how to navigate the business world, I could provide advice, give her my opinion, even “parent” her in my own way. However, one of the unspoken rules between us was I could not betray her confidence and go straight to her parents without her knowledge.

In your case, it seems like your aunt has crossed the line and now you need to deal with the fallout. Let her know that you are disappointed that she went to your parents without talking to you first. That although you respect her, it was not okay to interfere in your life and tell your parents that what you are writing on your blog and social media is bad and will hurt your career options. She’s entitled to her opinion, but it is your blog and you have a right to share your views and opinions since we live in a country that protects freedom of speech.

If it is really just a difference of opinion, I’m in your corner, but if you are saying rude things and/or posting views that can be considered offensive or discriminatory, then your aunt is right, it will curb your chances of a career in the future. Remember, everything online stays there forever. Make sure you understand the rules and etiquette of online behaviour and you will be fine. Explain what you are doing to your parents with your online presence and why it is important for you to continue. Take an online course or webinar to ensure you know how best to present yourself online.

As an aunt it is her duty to provide those warnings to you – but only you. After all, she is supposed to be one of the ones that guides you through as you navigate your life but always standing beside you rather than blocking your way.

All it takes is one person to change the world and that can be you. Continue to speak up!

I may be able to help! Is there something that you wish you could talk to someone about? Email me at Kul@DearDidi.com or follow me on Twitter and Facebook at @Dear Didi_KSC. Want more Dear Didi? Listen to my pod-cast – Generation Immigrant – on all major platforms. Listen, rate, review, repeat. Hope to hear from you soon!