TRUTH BE TOLD
WHAT TO DO WITH THAT PEBBLE IN YOUR SHOE
Image credit: JONAS on Unsplash.
By DR VICKI BISMILLA
I went for a long walk today, a lovely sunny day. I love the fresh air in my lungs, the smell of trees and nature, the exhilaration of the exercise and the quiet time for thinking.
I realized that we have so many wonderful people in our lives, our children, grandchildren, gracious relatives, friends, neighbours, fellow walkers with warm greetings, smiles, waves and camaraderie.
So if occasionally one or two people we know are negative, mean or nasty, the adult thing to do is to skip over them! Toss them aside and thank God for all the fantastic people in our lives. It’s like having a pebble in your shoe – either you keep walking with the pain and irritation – or you stop, shake off the pebble and continue enjoying your walk!
It was that pebble in my shoe today that got me thinking.
I am sometimes approached by friends who are puzzled at being treated badly by people who are their relatives or some they thought were friends. “How can they spurn me when I’ve done so much for them?”, “How can they be so rude to me?” or, “How can they turn on me?”
These are all feelings of disbelief and hurt that we all might have felt some time in our lives. They leave us wounded because we assumed the hurtful people would not do that to us.
Well, as I am always reminding myself, “Never assume shared values”. It does not mean that because people are relatives, they share your values. It does not mean that because your friends are often nice to you, they share your values.
Values are deeply held beliefs that are personal to you and only you. They are not necessarily religious values, group-held pacts, ties that bind, ethnicities or language groups.
You may hold your friends and relatives so dear that you would never turn on them or turn your back on them.
But not all your friends and relatives will think the same way. Sometimes they will ignore you, become angry with you, stop talking to you, gang up on you.
You will, at these times, be able to differentiate between situational friends or relatives and your true friends and the relatives who truly hold you dear.
It’s a tough learning experience but what a valuable learning experience! So treat these irritants like pebbles in your shoe. Toss them aside and continue your life’s walk, appreciating the gifts that you do have.
I sit at morning prayer by my sliding doors. Some weeks ago, I was distracted by a pair of squirrels busily building their winter nest. They each meticulously selected a particular twig from a bare tree, vigorously cut it with their teeth, adjusted the twig in their mouths to carry it to the bushy, evergreen spruce tree nearby, climbed to the best hidden spot high up in the tree and deposited their twigs. Then they scurried back to search for another twig and repeated this trip over and over again. It must take them days and days, one twig at a time, to build their nest.
Since nature is God’s creation and part of prayer, I didn’t feel guilty being distracted. I was smiling, just filled with fascination and awe by these sentient beings’ care, concentration and labour of love for their family.
Moments like these, observing nature and their proper place in this fragile universe reminds me that our time is much more beautifully spent in gratitude for the beauty and bounty given to us than to waste it on useless irritants.
May your lives be filled with wonder, family love, friendships and camaraderie.
Dr Vicki Bismilla is a retired Superintendent of Schools and retired college Vice-President, Academic, and Chief Learning Officer. She has authored two books.