NEW YEAR, NEW FOCUS, NEW YOU

By DR VICKI BISMILLA

Millions of young people start new careers each year, many with joy and excitement, some with uncertainty, most looking forward to carving out a life journey with possibilities.

As they proceed, they embrace new responsibilities not only at work but also in life. They may start their own families, their own businesses, community responsibilities, take on extra challenges at work and become busy in  myriad different ways. At times they may feel overwhelmed and look for advice from parents, mentors and family. Some may look for advice from books.

Libraries and bookshops are filled with shelves upon shelves of self-help books, some good, some not very helpful. I went through these shelves when juggling responsibilities in busy professions. Some provided excellent and doable strategies, not just pie in the sky platitudes.

Take adaptability for example. I found this a useful piece of advice: try to adapt to new curves that are thrown. Like many people in my generation, I too like to be able to solve everything, to find a way to bring unexpected spins back on track. And not only bring them back on track but do so quickly, impatiently, spending an enormous amount of energy and stress solving everything. But apparently, oftentimes it is better to wait it out a little, and maybe things will work themselves out. Who knew? 

Using humour in all aspects of life is another piece of sensible advice; not one I am good at but when tried, it does ease stress.

Here is another one that is very new for some of us: don’t get set in a mould. Well, some of us are teachers for life and even after retirement, we find teachable moments everywhere and are obsessed with tidy organization. But some professions and life journeys may be prone to uncertainty so being resilient to change is an important skill to have.

There is no formula for being happy but people who have friendly and caring supports are indeed fortunate. And people who are helpful by nature, altruistic, caring and many who are in helping professions or who volunteer with vulnerable communities find reasons to be joyful when they see success.

Many people wonder if wealth and happiness go together. But in our gut, we know that materialism does not bring joy. We are bombarded on TV with loud commercials that make false claims; and when we do venture on to social media, we see frenetic, materialistic, status-obsessed people seeking more and more ‘likes’, pursuing fame and dollars or a free ride. That vicious competition produces greed and negativity. Do ‘likes’ on social media actually bring happiness? Surely happiness emanates from and is shaped by personal perspective and not by strangers screaming for your attention. Once you have a decent job and salary and a roof over your head, happiness is achievable without the extremes of materialistic pursuits.

Many of us as immigrants have hybrid identities. We remember the culture we left behind and embrace the culture we have arrived into; and we are mostly able to respect both and blend the best from each. There are amazing connections that are made between those two worlds. We have come to value togetherness, family, and friends as paramount components to our lives. We realize that happiness is not an individual quest. It is finding our family voice together and living our lives with gentleness and gratitude.

Many of us have found inner quiet through such centuries-old strategies like meditation. Shutting off brain-chatter is very difficult to do but staying committed to trying has brought peace-filled perspectives. As well, a connection to our natural environments, walks in wooded areas, gardening, tilling the soil, have all helped spiritual, mental, and physical health. Digital literacy may be important in our jobs but disconnecting and concentrating on actual family, friends, discussions at mealtimes, happy gatherings – these are the real joys of life.

Now here is an invocation attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr that many of us have known all our lives:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; taking this world as it is and not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.

Our need to constantly have control over everything often causes us frustration. It is understandable to have control over many important aspects of our lives, our commitment to studies, our professions, keeping our families safe and provided for, maintaining a budget and other achievable everyday goals. But when control overrides common sense, it becomes obsessive. We cannot control what other people think or their erratic behaviours. We cannot always be perfect in every task we undertake. We cannot control all the variables that are beyond our doing. Hence the profound wisdom of the Niebuhr quotation.