HELLO JI!
WE ARE ALL GETTING THERE
Ageism is prevalent, ubiquitous, and insidious because it goes largely unrecognized and unchallenged. Image credit: AKSHAR DAVE on Unsplash.
Ageism is “the stereotypes (how we think), prejudice (how we feel) and discrimination (how we act) towards others or oneself based on age”. It doesn’t affect only older people and, as an issue of Mind Over Matter, a Women’s Brain Initiative publication, pointed out, can be applied at different points across our lifespan. But while at some stages of our lives it can land somewhere between funny and mildly annoying, at others, it can have serious consequences.
From the same issue of Mind Over Matter: “According to the World Health Organization’s 2021 Global Report on Ageism, ageism is prevalent, ubiquitous, and insidious because it goes largely unrecognized and unchallenged... ageism was associated with worse outcomes for all health domains. But ageism isn’t felt equally. Women tend to encounter ageism at an earlier age compared to men. It can also interact with sexism, a combination called ‘gendered ageism,’ that results in a heavier burden for older women.”
My good friend and neighbour Dorothy disliked people jumping to her assistance. “They see a little old lady, they don’t see me,” she’d say before climbing up her apple tree to prune it. In her 80s.
Mind Over Matter describes what Dorothy routinely experienced as “benevolent or paternalistic ageism” which “has a seemingly warm or caring tone, but the underlying implication is that the target is not competent or capable. For instance, ‘Here, let me do that for you’.”
Elderspeak: Addressing an older person as “dear” or “sweetie,” in a sing-song tone, and using simplified language fall into this category.
Another friend had shared her response at being referred to as a “young lady” by an oncologist she was referred to – she was in her mid-40s at the time, in case anyone is wondering. “There I was, scared half to death at what he would say, but all that stuck in my head was this,” she said. “Young lady? He thought that would make me feel better? Why? And he was about my age!”
Has anyone noticed we give “old people” cards to not-so-old people, never to people of a certain age because we assume they won’t find it funny? As though the sense of humour also deteriorates along with other body parts as we age. I’ve caught myself stating a number significantly lower than what I know to be someone’s age when asked by them to guess how old they are. What makes me think someone who has weathered life’s ups and downs with grace and dignity will not be able to handle the real number? Why wouldn’t they take it as a compliment?
Age is just an abstraction, not a straitjacket, said James Cromwell’s character in Still Mine. For the record, I absolutely loved the movie, but found myself muttering, “Yeah, right, unless you are a woman”.
Here’s a line from a forward my friend Jeeth sent me recently – suspiciously close to a milestone birthday: “They say with age comes wisdom. Therefore, I don’t have wrinkles, I have wisecracks!”
We’re all getting there, one wisecrack at a time!
Happy International Women’s Day!
Ramzan mubarak! Happy Nowruz! Happy Holi! Happy Easter!
Shagorika Easwar