HELLO JI!
HAPPINESS NEEDS A TIME INVESTMENT
We talked about serious things, and we fell apart over silly jokes. We truly listened to each other. Image credit: MILES TAN on Unsplash.
Reverend Tony Zekveld of Hope Centre often stresses the importance of spending time with our children in his columns in Desi News. We may know this in theory, but how many of us actually follow through?
I remember how I’d respond with guilt or fear and overcompensate when our sons were little after a friend passed away or there were reports of shootings at a school.
But I’d revert to the same-old, same-old soon enough as good intentions fell before the pressures of our-day-to-day minutiae.
As newcomers without a family network, it was hard to do it all – work, run a home, be the ideal parent. But I reminded myself that we had signed up for this.
So after a see-saw of greeting them with home-made muffins when they came home from school to leaving them to their own devices for stretches of time as I worked to deadlines, we worked out a routine. Of sorts. They had chores. They did, infamously, book reports. They had play dates. And sleepovers. We signed them up for Scouts and those week-long camps...
And weekends were sacrosanct. If it meant declining a dinner invite (unless the host had kids) so be it. I still recall our son standing by our bed, holding his breath, waiting for us to open our eyes. “Picnic!” he’d announce, with barely controlled excitement. We’d head out for day trips, exploring museums, the zoo, parks and beaches near us. One trip took us to Crawford Lake and we loved the tranquil place so much, it became a regular on the list of places to take visitors to. On a side note, it was a delight to learn from a recent CBC report that scientists have picked the bottom of Crawford Lake in Ontario as the golden spike to mark the start of a new proposed geological epoch – the Anthropocene. Specially since one of the photographs in the feature looks like something straight out of our family albums. We have so many, of the boys at various stages over the years, and with friends and family who visited us, in the exact same spot.
We discovered Canada during summer vacations, driving to Hopewell Rocks in the Bay of Fundy or to Prince Edward Island. Which was more for me than the male members of the family, I have to confess, it being a pilgrimage to places associated with Anne of Green Gables. But enroute, we sang along to their favourite songs and subjected them to our music, too. We talked about serious things, and we fell apart over silly jokes. We truly listened to each other.
Reverend Zekveld has earlier likened parenting to pruning, shaping a plant, so it gets light and nourishment and blooms and thrives. As any gardener will tell you, that takes time. It is not easy. But it is wonderful.
“Do you remember the time you yelled in shock and jumped back when you spotted a snapping turtle?” one son will say to the other.
“That was you,” the other will respond. And off we’ll go down memory lane. Together.
Happy South Asian Heritage Month!
Happy Mother’s Day!
Shagorika Easwar