ET TU, MANOJ BAJPAYEE? 

By SHAGORIKA EASWAR

As English language moved away from the era of thee and thou, it adopted the more egalitarian you. Whether one is addressing a younger person, a contemporary, or someone senior in age or position, the same you is used.

In Hindi, however, there are three distinct words, tu, tum and aap – the first two often used among friends or within a family circle and the third, to denote respect, or to address more than one person.

It’s similar to tu and vous, used in French. The French tu, just like the Hindi tu, is used in informal conversation. Vous, like aap, is used to show respect, or when addressing more than one person.

The same applies in many other Indian languages. That’s why I was very pleasantly surprised the first time I heard a parent address their little child with an aap. Then I learnt that the practice is quite common among Punjabis.

In an interview with the actor Akshay Kumar, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi had said he and former US President Barak Obama were such good pals that they were on “tu-taadi” terms. Giving rise to questions about how President Obama used tu in English, with only you at his disposal!

In Hindi, while tu is also used in romantic relationships – think Tu jo mere sur mein, or Tu hi re – it is also, very often, used to talk “down” to someone.

For instance, while a lady of the house may address house-help with tu, the house-help would never dare address her employer thus.

Even in informal situations, where tu may not be a put-down per se, the rules of hierarchy prevail. This was evident in the movie Silence...Can You Hear It? starring Manoj Bajpayee. In this, Bajpayee, playing a cop yet again, leads a team of investigators working on the disappearance of a woman. He drives them hard, but is affable, approachable. They gather at his home for late-night discussions and it’s all super friendly. He addresses each with a tum.

The lowly cop who is also a member of the team, though, merits a tu.

When he gives the group the news of his having become a father, Bajpayee first ignores him – he’s busy, you see. Then he turns and tells the cop to go run and fetch sweets to properly announce the good news. “Chal bhag! (run along now)” he says, with a smile.

We’re all good friends here, being the message. This is all very convivial, no one is pulling rank.

And yet, the same Bajpayee springs to attention when in the presence of his senior officer. He stands ramrod straight and sprinkles his sentences with “Sir!”.

Tu is acceptable only while talking to someone junior. One can only imagine the senior officer’s apoplectic fit were Bajpayee to use tu to address him.

So, even the friendly tu works down, not up. And deference works up, but not down.

Another illustration of this is available in stand-up comic Amit Tandon’s routines. In the interactions with his wife, he addresses her with a tu. And this is how an interaction with a nosy waiter goes:

“Tu waiter hai ya meri mausi (are you the waiter or my aunt)?”

Now imagine that same conversation reversed, with his mausi.

That would go something like this: “Aap meri mausi ho ya waiter?”

Or maybe not. He’s not likely to call his mausi a waiter.

Be that as it may, if we think only people of a certain social class or stature are worthy of respect and everyone else can be spoken down to, we cement the divide. We dehumanize a vast swath of people.

Think about it, does one have to talk down to someone in order to build himself up?

Language is a very powerful tool – it can divide as much as it can unite. It can oppress as much as it can uplift. 

In Hindi, a simple switch from tu to tum or aap can make a world of difference. In other languages, moderating the tone.

We don’t have to tell everyone we love them. Just being courteous is good way to build a relationship.