TRUTH BE TOLD

WHY CAN’T WE ENJOY A WELL-EARNED RETIREMENT WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY?

Retirement is as individual as are people. Image credit: NEWS CANADA.

By DR VICKI BISMILLA

In a discussion with a good friend who, like me, is also retired, we wondered how to respond to other friends who ask for advice about their own retirement plans.

Retirement is as individual as are people. What works for one may not for others. We wondered if retirement sometimes brings with it feelings of loss of purpose, lack of routine, or even loneliness.

As educators, many of us have virtual discussion groups, retirement magazines, or face-to-face get togethers through which we stay connected and learn about the different activities that keep people happy, focused, entertained and mentally agile.

For most retirees in our circles, family is the key link to happy retirement, having quality time together without the stress of work distractions.  

But in researching the topic I have learned that many people suffer what in medical articles is referred to as “retirement depression” caused by loss of routine or sense of purpose and achievement. Fear of becoming dependent on others or financial difficulties may add to anxiety. Trained therapists may advise approaching retirement in stages, if possible, e.g., scaling down work schedules first to give oneself time to adjust rather than going suddenly from full-time work to full-time retirement.

Having a calendar is important in retirement just as it was at work. Making sure that there is a sense of purpose for each day is key.

Physical exercise becomes especially important in retirement as do social events, time to be with family and friends and activities that provide mental activity and acuity.

If circumstances permit, therapists may suggest travel or volunteering.

My friend and I wondered if South Asian women experience a more acute reaction to retirement given our early upbringing. A qualitative health research conducted in 2019 by Bhattacharya et al. using a feminist standpoint found that Indian women’s depressions were embedded in their social world. Women perceived interpersonal conflict, caregiving burden, domestic violence, financial insecurity, adverse reproductive events, and widowhood as causes of depression. The researchers concurred with a previous study’s finding that from an early age, Indian girls are taught to fulfill domestic duties and attend to the needs of men, whereas men learn that they are superior to women and are entitled to exercise authority over them (Ram, Strohschein, & Gaur, 2014). Women are expected to transition from the role of daughter to wife and then mother without raising objections (see here).

Would working Indian women with this traditional upbringing view their transition to retirement as a conflicting struggle? Having been so busy since girlhood, would retirement bring with it feelings of inadequacy, of not being needed? Worse than feelings of inadequacy would women, like thousands of South Asian women here in Canada, working in non-unionized jobs like the service industry or factories be able to even consider retirement? 

Another study conducted in India in 2015 looked at how stigma, the disadvantaged position of women, their multiple roles, and increased levels of stress affect women. They looked at women who are employed in sectors that, regardless of schedules, make demands on their time such as media, knowledge process outsourcing, and touring jobs. They found that these women, unable to take leave when unwell, force themselves to work mainly due to job insecurity (more here).These women, already experiencing an inordinate amount of stress, may not be able to retire at all until they fall seriously ill and be forced to quit, a catch 22 situation which would be a devastating break down.

These studies were conducted in India, but the philosophy associated with our upbringing as Indian women transcends geographical borders. We are proud of our upbringing and hold family values very dear. The caution that these studies echo for us as desis here in Canada is that while culturally ingrained gender roles are respected and ancestral struggles are acknowledged they need to be reassessed so that women today can break free of stereotypes and live lives that allow for guiltless rest, recuperation and retirement – a time to reflect on our accomplishments, to enjoy family and society and to care for ourselves in the same way that we cared for others throughout our lives.

Dr Vicki Bismilla is a retired Superintendent of Schools and retired college Vice-President, Academic, and Chief Learning Officer. She has authored two books.