HAPPY NEW YEAR!
A GOOD RESOLUTION IS ONE YOU CAN KEEP
The way you treat yourself can have a huge impact on happiness, self-esteem, and even resilience. Image credit: JONATHAN BORBA on Unsplash.
Here’s an important resolution to set for the New Year: Treat yourself with more kindness. Research from PsychTests.com reveals that the way people treat themselves, especially when they fail, can have a huge impact on happiness, self-esteem, and even resilience.
Parents and teachers encourage children to be kind to others, and there is no denying the value of such a vital lesson. Self-compassion, however, is not emphasized nearly as much. Being gentle with oneself is particularly crucial to learn at a young age, especially in response to mistakes and failures. In fact, a study conducted by the research team at PsychTests.com indicates that people who frequently insult themselves when they mess up are not only miserable, they also hate learning, give up on goals, and back down from challenges. This is a strong incentive to make a resolution to practise more self-kindness in 2024.
Analyzing data collected from 12,259 people who took the Emotional Intelligence Test, PsychTests’ researchers compared people who habitually chastise themselves (Self-chastising group) and those who don’t (Self-respecting group) on a number of traits and skills. Here’s where they differed the most:
The following scores range on a scale from 0 to 100.
Self-awareness
Self-chastising group: 48
Self-respecting group 73
Self-esteem
Self-chastising group: 34
Self-respecting group 80
Self-efficacy
Self-chastising group: 41
Self-respecting group 78
Goal-setting
Self-chastising group: 53
Self-respecting group 72
Self-motivation
Self-chastising group: 43
Self-respecting group 74
Striving
Self-chastising group: 69
Self-respecting group 80
Resilience
Self-chastising group: 51
Self-respecting group 81
Positive Mindset
Self-chastising group: 41
Self-respecting group 76
Contentment / Life satisfaction
Self-chastising group: 35
Self-respecting group 73
Tendency to dwell on things
Self-chastising group: 76
Self-respecting group 34
The study also revealed that:
71% of Self-chastisers allow others to make them feel bad about themselves (vs. 21% of Self-respecting group).
66% find it difficult to accept compliments (vs. 21% of Self-respecting group).
64% downplay their achievements (vs. 18% of Self-respecting group).
50% are never satisfied with what they have achieved (vs. 15% of Self-respecting group).
63% panic when given a task that challenges them to push out of their comfort zone (vs. 14% of Self-respecting group).
75% second-guess their decisions (vs. 19% of Self-respecting group).
77% experience constant self-doubt (vs. 9% of Self-respecting group).
68% struggle to bounce back from disappointment, rejection, and failure (vs. 8% of Self-respecting group).
52% hate change (vs. 16% of Self-respecting group).
61% can’t figure out what they want out of life (vs. 14% of Self-respecting group).
“Being treated unkindly by others can do a lot of damage to your self-esteem, but it can be equally damaging, if not more so, if you are excessively harsh with yourself,” explains Dr. Ilona Jerabek, president of PsychTests. “We hate to fail – that goes without saying. The irony is, although 74 per cent of the Self-chastisers believe that they can learn an important lesson from failure, they still beat themselves up over it. What people need to recognize is that failure is not necessarily a sign of incompetence. It’s a sign that you perhaps need to try a little harder, change your approach, lower the bar a little if you’re setting it excessively high, or take a short break to regain perspective and then try again. Failure is really just one of the steps on the path to eventual success.
“At the beginning of a new year, many people take the opportunity to create goals that are frequently geared towards self-improvement. This is good. What I would recommend is the addition of one more goal that will really have a huge impact on your life: Be kinder, gentler, and more patient with yourself. You’re going to mess up a few times – sometimes a lot of times – but that doesn’t make you stupid, useless, or incapable. So send some of that kindness you give to others towards yourself. Self-compassion and self-respect are invaluable.”
• Since its inception in 1996, PsychTests AIM Inc. has become a pre-eminent provider of psychological assessment products and services to human resource personnel, therapists and coaches, academics, researchers and a host of other professionals around the world. Its staff is comprised of a dedicated team of psychologists, test developers, researchers, statisticians, writers, and artificial intelligence experts.
Want to assess your EQ? Check out the Emotional Intelligence Test at https://testyourself.psychtests.com/testid/3979.